Shallow South

The railroad station that was converted into a hotel.  Lackawanna - like I wanna!

As we travel south we are noticing differences and similarities.  One of the things that has not changed is the size of the people. The average human size increases west to east.  And I am not talking about height.  Part of this is the diet that the people in the east consume. Deep-frying (and frying in general) is a major part of eastern food.  The other part is the climate: in the winter you take the car because it is too damned cold to walk, run or ride anywhere. 

a snack

That has not changed as we travel south.  My experience of Florida is that I never felt so slim and athletic in my life.  So far things have not been THAT bad but we are headed toward Florida…

This is probably an inappropriate sentiment coming from a little fat man.

The vegetation is slowly changing.  There are few, if any, evergreen trees. The trees are, in contrast to the people, spindly and short.  We drove down the historic Shenandoah Valley.  Everything here is labeled historic, by the way.  It is supposed to be one of the most beautiful places in America and it probably is but it seems fairly mundane compared to where we have been.

Shenandoah Valley

 The food portions here are getting bigger.  We each had a half portion of a pasta dish the other night and we could not finish it.  We had enough left for a complete dinner the next night.  See paragraph 2. 

Most of what we have seen so far, however, has been the highway.  We passed by all the main population areas of the east coast: Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington.  When we passed Washington a young man came running out of a large white house followed by a bunch of other men in suits with earphones and he called to us ”Aren’t you staying for tea?  I want to talk to you about socialized medicine!”  We couldn’t stay though. We were on a deadline.

The way people speak is gradually changing as we travel south.  We are going from the delightful Newfie accent to the American southern accent.  Today we walked into a restaurant and the lady greeted us, “Ha thar!  Ha are y’all t’day”.  I said, “I am well thank-you, and how are you?”  She looked at me with some surprise and said, “Nas accent!” 

I did not realize that I had an accent… I thought she did…

Driving on the highways here is different from Canada.  There are a lot of vehicles on the roads.  On the trans-Canada you can ride (or drive) for a long time and not see another vehicle.  Here, vehicles constantly surround you.  It is almost like driving in the city except faster.   There are myriad cities and towns along the way and an almost constant barrage of signs telling you what food, lodging and entertainment is available at the next turn-off.  Some of the entertainment is questionable:  “Men’s Playground – parking available for tractor-trailers”  “World’s largest Adult Superstore”, “Discount Guns”.

We have ended up in Fayetteville, North Carolina.  It advertises itself as the most patriotic city in America.  Americans tend to be loudly patriotic as it is, I cannot imagine how loud it is going to be here tonight…

As we travel south we find the temperature is increasing.  Today it was up to 30 degrees.  I am not sure if that is due to the latitude or just unusually warm weather.   The clerk at the desk of the hotel said she was glad it was cooling down.  We stood there dripping into our puddles of perspiration gaping at her.  Cooling down?  The hotel had a pool and when we dived into it there was a hissing sound and a cloud of steam accompanied by two sighs of relief.

And we still have 2 days of travel south yet to go!

  

Coming to America

We made it across the border to the US.  Passing through customs went relatively smoothly.  Telen insisted that I drive so that when we came to the border they would see a little fat white male face rather than a beautiful Asian female face.   She was worried that if she was driving they might think she was into human smuggling.

 border guards at the US border

The border guard asked me what my profession was and I considered telling her that I was an unemployed drug dealer.  Technically this is true. The phrasing might have been be a problem, however. The border guard did not seem to have a sense of humour and I was worried about the “full body” search.

Our first night in the US was at a Days Inn in Bangor.  The price was unusually good so we jumped at it.  What we did not know was that this particular Days Inn was at the end of runway #1 of the Bangor International Airport.  We watched a Westjet Boeing 737 come in and the pilot waved at us.

Our second night we spent just outside of Salem Massachusetts. You might remember that Salem is famous for its witch burnings. Telen insisted that we not stay in Salem. So we stayed in Beverley. According to our landlady they don’t persecute witches anymore, just everyone else.   She also said that in the US they have 50 choices for Miss America and only 2 choices for president.  Interesting observation especially when every one of the Miss America contestants will insist that she wants to work toward world peace.

We really knew we were in the US when we saw this sign

We stopped at gas station in Smyra Maine to fill up and I thought we should buy a telephone for use in the US to save on roaming and long distance charges. The phone cost $22.00 and a phone card cost $25.00 for 750 minutes.  Incredibly cheap!  I even had enough money left to buy a new handgun and a bazooka.   Telen wouldn’t let me, though.  Spoilsport!  

Everyone else has one!!

We drove through Maine, New Hampshire and part of Massachusetts in one day and today we drove though Massachusetts, New York, Connecticut and part of Pennsylvania.  It is hard to imagine driving through all those states in a single day whereas back home you could not even drive through one province in that time.  We hardly even noticed New Hampshire – except when they made us pay a toll.   There seems to be a lot of tollbooths.   It makes each state seem like a guy sitting in a deserted doorway with his hat out asking for spare change.

Driving down here is a bit hair-raising.  I am referring to the hairs on the back of the neck – not on top of the head!  The roads are good but there are a lot of vehicles on them and they are moving very fast.  People here think the laws of physics are more like guidelines. They think that a fully loaded Prius can come to a complete stop and accelerate back to 110 km/hr. instantly.  Come on, people!  It’s a PRIUS!

When we arrived in Scranton Pennsylvania today after driving for six hours Telen had to recruit the concierge at the hotel to help her pry my fingers off the steering wheel.  That was after she got down on her knees and kissed the ground.

Tonight we are staying in an abandoned train station.  Luckily for us it has been converted into a funky hotel.  It still has a lot of the old seats and memorabilia laying around.

I just hope the trains aren’t running anymore.

Telen writes:

I agree with Rand that driving in the States so far has been rather stressful.  There are so many cars and going so fast!  Rand has been trying to help by giving me directions even though he confuses left from the right.  I still recall with fondness how peaceful it was driving through the cliffs of the Cabot Trail when he kept his silence.

We are making pretty good meals on the road.  Last night the suite in Beverly had a full kitchen.  We roasted a couple of Cornish hens along with all the trimmings.  Yum!   People told us that restaurant food portions tend to be huge in the States.  Well, tonight we each ordered a half size pasta dish and we could only finish half of it.

In spite of all the eating, Rand has dropped several clothes sizes.  Yesterday we decided to go Target to buy some new pants as his current pair is at risk of falling off his bum in public.

I was hoping to visit Capitol Hill in Washington DC and to say hello to President Obama.  Time however is running short…so that may be another trip.

PS:  Telen has lost some inches as well.  Stress of riding in the car with me, I think.