Whale Soup

Maui Sunset.  The sun had already set so I had to use a Tiki Torch...

Oahu is too big, Kaua’i is too small.

Maui is just right. 

I feel a bit like Goldilocks saying that.  Minus the golden locks, of course - or locks of any kind, for that manner.  Is there such a character as Baldilocks?

We think Maui has the right balance between dead quiet and frenetic activity.   It also has the best beaches no matter how you look at it.  It is hard to complain about Hawaii - it is all very lush and tropical so it is either good or better.

coffee at the Kihei Cafe

When we arrived in Maui we were immediately greeted by warmer, dryer and less windy conditions.  That was a good start!  Kaua’i was very windy and showery and Oahu was more so.  Sunshine, warmth, calm breezes and long sandy beaches…?  What did we do right to deserve this?  I kept looking around to see if God was going to jump out from behind a palm tree with an evil grin on her face, turn on the cold and rain and say, “Just Kidding!” 

When we rented a car on Kaua’i we got upsold by a very skillful salesperson and ended up paying for a much larger and more expensive car than we wanted.  We don’t rent cars very much so we got taken.  We know better now.  If you go to Kaua’i watch out for Dollar Rent-a-car!  When we got to Maui we went to the Avis Car Rental and got a gentleman there who quickly put our request through with no up-sales and no pressure and we drove away paying about one-third of what we got nailed for on Kaua’i. 

Sunshine, warmth, calm breezes, long sandy beaches and honest car rental people!

Kamaole Beach

Telen making the beach look good!

When we got to the condo we had rented we got pleasantly surprised again.  It was a beautiful little condo with a full kitchen and enough kitchen supplies to run a catering business.  We had not planned on doing any catering while we were there so it was a bit more than we required but Telen was running around letting out little squeals of delight.

 

The décor was the outcome of the Liberace /Martha Stewart throw-down.  There was more frills and chintz in the place than I would have thought possible.  The owner was on an estrogen-fueled decorating frenzy when she renovated the place.   I had to go outside to keep from getting moody and bloated periodically.  Having said that, though, it was a kind of fun place to stay for a while if you were careful to avoid knocking the seashells down that were pasted on everything. 

Sunshine, warmth, calm breezes, long sandy beaches, honest car rental people and an over-the-top condo!

And whales.  There are so many whales in the water here it is like whale soup.

A humpback whale "chin-wagging" near our whale-watching boat 

It always amazes me on Maui where you can sit quietly on the beach and suddenly what appears to be a semi-trailer truck comes flying up out of the water, does a half-twist and lands on its side raising a minor tsunami.  Then the water calms down and it is like nothing happened except your chin is down on your chest.

How much energy does it take to throw a whale that weights 35 to 45 tons completely out of the water?  I weigh slightly less than that and I can barely get my head and shoulders out of the water when I try “breaching”.  The other question that arises is – why?  If you weigh 35 – 45 tons what would possess you to just throw yourself into the air from a dead stop? 

I see men strutting up and down the beaches here.  Often their movements are unnaturally stiff as they try to keep those pecs and lats flexed but try to appear relaxed as if that’s how their muscles always look.  They work all year long to earn enough money to come to Hawaii so they can do this.  They spend their hard earned money furiously on expensive toys like surfboards and kite boards and renting fancy cars.

Humpback whales come to Hawaii for the very same reasons.  Except whales use blubber instead of money.  Throwing your 45-ton weight into the air and burning up your hard earned blubber carelessly shows just how much blubber you have.

And why do both these species do this?  It’s the chicks, man!

I have noticed that some of the human species have gotten confused about which sort of currency they should use – blubber or money?  Quite a few people on the beach have accumulated large amounts of blubber and seem to have no intention of burning it up.  I just hope none of them go in the water when an amorous male Humpback is in the area.  It would turn out badly for both parties.

We went out on a whale-watching trip.  We had scheduled it a few days previous and when we showed up in Lahaina at the dock we were warned that it was quite windy out there and how comfortable were we with getting wet.  I looked out at the water and thought, “Sure, there are a few whitecaps but it looks ok.  Besides if we get wet it is just warm Hawaiian water”. We said it was no problem.

We sat at the front of the Zodiac so we could get the best view.  When the first wave out of the harbour came over the bow and landed directly on us soaking us completely we began to question our judgment.  It was after the trip was over that we were informed that those particular seats were nicknamed the “cowboy seats”.

There is a persistent belief that during rough weather the Humpback whales are more active.  I don’t know if it is true.  It seemed true.  We came across a mother and a calf with a hyperactivity disorder.  The mother would show the calf how to do a breach and then the calf would try to copy.  This calf kept breaching again and again.  Everyone on the boat would go “Awwww, isn’t he cute…!”  That cute little baby is about the size of a Land Rover.

Shortly thereafter we saw a couple of males breaching in tandem.  It was like two freight cars doing synchronized swimming.  You had to be impressed but you worried about the size of the nose clips.

According to the naturalist the males were competing for the attention of the female who was instructing the baby on how to breach. I’m sure the attempt to entice a female who just gave birth to a Land Rover is doomed to failure.

We did the tourist thingy and went to a Luau.  The food was good and they had the obligatory Hula dancers and the grand finale of the fire dancer.  I know it seems trite and touristy and all that but we really enjoyed it.  So there!

The Luau - very touristy!  These are some tourists

If we ever come to Hawaii again I think we will come directly to Maui.  It seems to fit what we want in a tropical holiday.  We are not nightlife people (and some would say we are not day-life people either…) so strutting our stuff in the clubs does not attract us.   In my case strutting my stuff in night clubs tends to have a strong negative effect on the word “attract”.  Eating in fancy restaurants is not a big thing for us either – we tend to like to cook our own meals because it is cheaper and we (when I say we I mean Telen) can make meals as good as any restaurant.

So that leaves the beach.  Maui has that.  Big time!

Makenna Beach (Big Beach)

Now we are off home to Reality for a few weeks.  We don’t intend to stay long.  Reality is a nice placed to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.  

Unexpected magic

A Kaua'i waterfall

Kaua’i has some unexpected magic.

Everyone always says that the Hawaiian Islands are magic.  Especially the tourist bureaus, travel agents, and tour operators.  I think the term “magic” is used to describe the warm weather, sunshine, warm oceans and relaxation that everyone craves when they are on holiday.  When you are arriving here from the cold, grey, wet and windy north the tropics can seem magic indeed.  I certainly feel that way when I come here from home.

This time, however, we are arriving from New Zealand and it was summertime there when we left.  Since New Zealand is a truly magical land and so different from anything we have seen up to now Hawaii doesn’t appear so improbable.  Don’t get me wrong – I love the warm weather, the beaches and the shorts and sandals lifestyle.  Who wouldn’t?

I am talking about a different kind of magic.  Weird, spooky magic…

Since beaches are not great here on Kaua’i we decided to do what Kaua’i is known for – hiking!  There are a lot of hiking trails on Kaua’i and there are many hills, valleys, waterfalls and forests.  So hiking is good here. (Pardon me Kiwis – hiking = tramping).  Quite near where we are staying is a hiking trail (Kiwis – hiking trail = track) called the “Sleeping Giant” which did not seem overly ambitious.

We got some directions from a number of people and publications to the start of the trail and we headed off in the car to do a little hiking.  What we did not realize is that if we followed the directions from all our sources universe altering paradoxes would occur.  Apparently the Sleeping Giant trail is like a quark and can exist in a number of places at the same time.  And, according to Heisenberg’s Uncertainly principle if you can determine where it is you cannot determine not where it is going or if you can determine where it is going you cannot determine where it is. 

In short – we got lost.

We drove around for quite a while and saw quite a bit of the Kaua’i countryside.  Telen asked a few different people where the trail was and they all had interesting, if contradictory, answers.  Finally a woman in a parking lot saw us wandering around with maps in our hands and bewildered looks on our faces and she said, “Are you looking for the trail?”  We excitedly said, “Yes!” thinking that we finally had found someone who knew where to go. 

“It’s not here.”

We eventually found the trailhead and headed out on our long overdue hike up to the Sleeping Giant.  It was a beautiful hike up the side of a “mountain” (at home = hill, but that is beside the point) with really interesting vegetation and amazing trees and some wonderful views out over the plains and ocean.

Hiking up the "Sleeping Giant".  Big trees, eh!

The magic happened at the top.

When we arrived at the top we stopped to look over the view and started talking with two people who were already there.  During our conversation we told them that we had taken a year off to travel.  They both got a weird look in their eyes and said that they had just been talking about doing that very thing.  The lady, Jeannie, was all for doing it but her husband – a local oral surgeon named Dave was interested but a bit reluctant since he could not figure out how to do it.

At the top of the Sleeping Giant

Paddy – the other person turned out to be an artist/musician/radio personality from Nelson BC.  So our conversation immediately turned to art and Irish music.  We agreed to have lunch together the next day including Jeannie’s husband - the reluctant traveller.

The lunch was enjoyable and we got a tour of Jeannie’s business - a place that dealt with Reiki massage and alternative wellness.   Since Telen does acupuncture and has an interest in Reiki they had a lot to talk about.  As well Telen had a chat with Dave about the way we worked out how to escape for a year.  Paddy and I chatted about art and got my artistic juices flowing.

All in all - a symbiotic meeting.   What would have happened if we found the trailhead right away?   We would not have run into them right in the middle of their conversation about taking a year away and I would not have met Paddy who helped to rekindle my artistic aspirations.  Maybe Kaua’i does have some innate magic…

looking out over Kaua'i

Doing my "standing on the edge of the cliff" thingy.  I love doing this since Telen cured me.  Ok, she only cured me of my fear of heights - curing me of my other weird things is asking a lot of a few little needles.

Kaua’i is a nice place but it was not what we were looking for in Hawaii.  Part of that is, I suppose, due to expectations.  We have been to Maui before and, perhaps, we were expecting Kaua’i to be like Maui – which it is not.  Part of it might have to do with the weather – it was quite windy the whole time we were there and the seas were very rough. 

Don’t get me wrong – it is a fine place – but not what we wanted.  It is probably more authentic Hawaii than either Oahu or Maui but we shall continue on to find our version of “authentic”…

On to Maui!

The reason Hawaii is such a peaceful land

Telen writes:

There is a saying: "Why does a man produce so many sperms?  Because even the sperms won't stop to ask for directions".  We got lost because Rand refused to ask for directions until I put my foot down and did my own enquires.  

Oh men!

The waters around Kauai are sure rough and powerful.  There have been 8 drownings so far this year.  We were really disappointed that we could not swim in these beautiful beaches.

Paradise Regained

Kaua’i could not be more different from Honolulu. 

The best reason not to swim on some beaches on Kaua'i

Where Honolulu is big-city America with high rises, high crime and high prices - Kaua’i is small-town America with low buildings, low crime and regular prices.  I have not seen a building here that is above 2 stories high. Kaua’i is sleepy, quiet and even slightly dusty like something you forgot about in the back of the closet.  They have a Costco here and a Wal-Mart – but that is the extent of the fashionable high-end shopping you will find.  If you want to spend money you can go to one of the myriad souvenir shops that will gladly sell you something you don’t need and won’t believe you bought when you get back home.

We like it.

The place we are staying is on the east coast of Kaua’i.  Being on the east coast means that you get the trade winds all the time and that makes the sea fairly bumpy.  These are 1 – 2 meter bumps.  Great surfing - rotten swimming.  The ocean here has a bit of a bad rep – so far this year there have been seven tourist fatalities due to things like rogue waves, floods, and foolishness.  There may be eight as the coast guard is currently searching for a missing surfer.  The trade winds do keep the temperature much more manageable – none of this laying in bed dripping perspiration while trying to sleep.

The beaches are quite a bit smaller than those on Oahu and Maui and much rockier.  I don’t think the sand has much chance to form a beach what with the ocean barging in all the time and washing it away.

Telen demonstrating how to avoid drowning in Kaua'i.  Stay OUT of the water

There are warnings everywhere about not swimming in unguarded beaches.  I know we are in the U.S. but these guards are LIFEguards – not someone from Homeland Security.  The guarded beaches we have seen all seem to have an area that is protected by dikes of lava rock.  I suspect these are not natural but they do have openings to the ocean.  That means that fish can swim in and out of these pools.  There are two of these beaches within easy reach of where we are staying but the beach in front of our accommodation is treacherous.  We have spent some time there dabbling our feet in the water and fabricating some Vitamin D. 

Snorkeling has been a bit of a challenge.  I have this hair that grows between my nose and my upper lip.  This prevents me from getting a proper seal with the facemask.  I snorkel for a bit and my mask slowly fills up with water.  When it is about half full it is like looking through a broken window.  Everything is quite distorted.  Telen (and many other people) have been telling me for quite some time that my outlook is quite distorted but I don’t know how they knew this before we went snorkeling.  I suggested shaving my mustache off but Telen screamed and hid in the closet and wouldn’t come out until I promised not to.  Earlier on this trip I did shave my beard and mustache off and every time I would walk in the door Telen would call the police, start throwing things at me and scream something about “Friday the 13^th”.  I guess she prefers me with bits of my face concealed.

We took a drive down to Po’ipu.  I know, I know, the name sounds like something that would make a 12 year old break up into gales of laughter.  (They call snacks here pu-pu’s - another one for the kids.)  Po’ipu is on the south coast and therefore much more protected from the winds and is supposed to have the best beaches. The waves were marginally less but not so much that you felt like you wanted to just jump into the ocean.  They did have an area that had a breakwater around it - sort of like a gigantic kiddie’s pool.  So, we swam there.   What we did not know was that this kiddie’s pool was a turtle pool.   There were huge sea turtles swimming there munching on the algae growing on the rocks.   We managed to see two only about a meter off shore casually swimming around having a pu-pu.  They did not seem even aware of all the people yelling and splashing into the water to try to get their photo.  If I were them I would have thought I was being attacked by a herd of multi-hued walruses.

The light brown spot in the upper right corner of the picture is the turtle.  Really!

Telen was thrilled to see the turtle.  She did not have that privilege as I did at the Great Barrier Reef.  She would still like to see one while snorkeling and it is something we will try to accomplish while we are in Hawai’i.

A friend of an acquaintance told us that there were lots of sea turtles at a beach called Anini on the north end of the island.  So we headed off to see the turtles at Anini.  What I did forget was to bring was our snorkeling equipment.  When we got to Anini the waves were thrashing on the shore like an ex-wife.  We thought it best not to get between them and guessed that the turtles probably had the same idea.  So we walked around a bit and headed off to Hanalei.  We felt that if we could not see turtles we would settle for a dragon.

Hanalei is a very funky little town.  Where the other towns on Kaua’I are your sleepy old grandpa who you love very much - Hanalei is the cousin that still wears tie-dyed shirts, multi-coloured headbands and overuses the term “groovy”.  The town is eclectic, has energy and is very picturesque.  Alas, no dragon.  Apparently “Puff the Magic Dragon” has sadly slipped into his cave and is no longer seen in Hanalei.  Part of that is due, I suspect, to the reduction in hallucinogenic drug use since the ‘60’s.  When I asked about Puff the locals usually answered, “Cha, right, man. Uh, Dragons, man? Far out! I, like, haven’t seen one in, like, decades, man.  I don’t do that sh_t anymore.”  I presumed that I was not going to get any joy there. 

This is where Puff the Magic Dragon used to hang out.

 The film “South Pacific” was filmed in Hanalei.  I guess Hanalei was a “body double” for Tahiti.  Kaua’i is very tropical looking with remarkably blue water but it is not the South Pacific.  This is typical of Hollywood – getting the important details completely wrong.  Look at the movie “Argo” as an example of getting things completely haywire.  Apparently there were a lot of movies that were filmed or partly filmed here on Kaua’i.  I can see why – it is a very exotic looking locale.

The Taro fields at Hanalei.  See any dragons?

An interesting thing about Kaua’I is the wild chicken.  Everywhere you look there are chickens running around.  It gives the whole island the feel of an Asian village.  These chickens came from domestic chickens that got loose during a hurricane and refused to come home for dinner.  They are everywhere, as I said, and I suspect it has to do with the lack of their natural predators – the feral Chinese.  I cannot imagine any of these birds surviving an influx of these voracious predators.  They would quickly become soup.   As it is I have caught Telen sneaking out the door with a soup pot and a cleaver hidden behind her back.

The Kaua'i feral chickens.  Smart and almost inedible. 

Telen writes:

I have to admit that being a person of Chinese descent, I have been busy coming up with various strategies to capture these “free range chickens” for the dinner table.  They are literally everywhere!  The little chicks are sure cute so they would be spared from my cleaver.

So far, I have caught none.  They always seem to stray just far enough to taunt me.

I asked a sales lady the other day if people hunt these chickens for consumption.  She looked at me with such horror on her face so I stopped pursuing the topic.  I then searched the internet.  Yes, these chickens are edible.  One recipe said that “put the cleaned chicken into a pot of boiling water, add a rock.  Cook until the rock is tender”. 

Telen demonstrating the "Tree Pose".  Notice that the tree is doing it wrong...