Rollin' on the River

writing the blog while cruising down the Mekong

Currently we are rolling down the Mekong River in the proverbial slow boat.   There are green hills on both sides covered with banana trees, bamboo, rice, and water buffalo.  There is a cool breeze blowing and everyone is pretty mellow. 

Getting here was not so mellow. 

We left Chaing Mai about 2:30 yesterday in two mini-vans piloted by aspiring Formula-1 drivers.   I felt like I was in the movie Skyfall – car chases, near misses, death-defying high-speed stunts – the whole ball of wax.  Eventually even the guide asked them to take it easy – and he is a native.  Up to that point I felt that we had about a 50% chance of making it to Chaing Kong.  After our Guide, Jack, asked them slow down I gave us about a 55% chance.  Upon arrival when everyone had unwrapped from their fetal positions, put their rosaries away, and kissed the ground we checked into our Hotel.  

With G-Adventures it seems that the hotels we stay in are always down dark, twisting back alleys.  The hotels are basic, clean and have all the amenities including beds make from Kevlar.  It just seems odd that they are hidden away where no one who was looking for a hotel would look.  The one last night was on the edge of a farm.

We went out for a group dinner at a restaurant right on the edge of the Mekong River so we could see our next day’s destination across the river – Laos.  At the end of the dinner as we were walking back to the hotels my GI bug regrouped and attacked. 

It was not a restful night.

Not only did I spend most of my night sitting on the great white throne but the roosters on the farm next door thought that 3 am was the time to start the dawn chorus.  Even though my GI tract was in trouble I still had the urge to dispatch a chicken or two.  Then to add insult to injury the Dutch woman in our group started yelling obscenities at someone who asked her to keep her voice down.  This went on for the rest of the night.  Rooster, obscenities, cramps, repeat ad nauseaum.

We crossed the Mekong River this morning by long-tail boat to Laos customs.  It took a while to get our Visas and get our stamp but we made it.  Apparently all us white folk look alike because my photo was not used on their copy of my Visa – they used someone else from our group’s photo who co-incidentally also has a beard.  When we tried to explain that it was not my photo they looked at my passport and the photo on the Visa and said “Same same”.  Oh well, if they come looking for me for any reason Stuart (whose picture they used) is in trouble.  Too bad

Chillin' on the River

However, we are now rolling on the river.  Mellow, chilled, less crampy.  Telen is snoozing and listening to her music and I am banging away on my computer.  Our next town is a little wide spot on the river that recently got their main road paved and electricity.  They have along history of selling marijuana and opium products to passing river travellers.

Strangely enough, they have WiFi.

Life along the Mekong

It was inevitable

The Temple of the Dawn

It was inevitable.

After eating Thai food in huge quantities and probably not being as careful as we should we got caught.   We have travelled to lots of places and eaten all kinds of food and have never had the experience referred to as Montezuma’s revenge, or Delhi Belly or lots of other less polite terms.  Now we have had it.

The timing was unfortunate.   Today we started our Indochina Encompassed tour with G-adventures.   So that meant today we went on a long-tail boat cruise and a tour of the Buddhist temples associated with the Royal Palace.   Not a place where it is easy to get to a bathroom in a hurry.   A Buddhist temple is not somewhere where you want to suddenly empty your stomach in a handy offering bowl.  So we left the tour early to go back to the hotel to be closer to facilities.   The cab ride with all the sudden accelerations and sudden stops nearly got the driver a bonus. 

The Suspicious Banana Pancake - might be the culprit

To make matters worse we left last night on an overnight train ride to Chang Mai.  Telen was feeling unwell, but was actually over the worst of it by then but I was right in the thick of things.  I made 12 to 15 trips up the aisle to the tiny little toilet on the train and somewhere in the night the nausea passed and I was left with just the diarrhea.  Come morning I was feeling better - just dehydrated and exhausted. 

Feeling not so good

Not an auspicious start to the trip.

We rode on a couple of overnight trains in China on our trip there.   I was expecting the same experience here in Thailand.  The trains in China were, to be polite, utilitarian.  There were six bunks to each compartment- each of which was wide enough for one Chinese person or one-half of me.  You had to bring your own food on board and there was really no place to eat it.  In contrast the train we rode on last night started with two large seats facing each other with a table between.  A man came by and took your food and drink order.  Then, when you were ready to sleep a woman came by – did a little Thai magic- and your compartment was transformed into wide bunks with an upper and a lower bunk, curtains, fresh linen and pillows.

We have an interesting mix of people on this trip.   As is usual with G-Adventures the majority of the participants are fairly young.  There are a couple of couples around our age one from England and one from Nanaimo.  There is a young man from Germany, and one from France.   There is a woman from Holland who I can see as being a problem.  She is chronically late, loud, aggressive, often drunk and with a vocabulary like a longshoreman.  There is another older man from England who looks to be in the later stages of cirrhosis and who is mostly drunk as well.  They make a good pair.  The rest are a mix of young people from England.

Chang Mai is a great relief from Bangkok.   It is a smaller city with fresh air and a much more relaxed pace.   People will stop their vehicles if they see you on the crosswalk.  We were very ready to leave Bangkok with its frantic pace, smog and dirt.  The area around Chang Mai is green, hilly and very tropical looking.  Such a contrast!

by one of the Buddhist Temples in Chang Mai

Now, we just have to recover enough to enjoy it! 

Ayuthaya

There is a myth that things are cheap in Southeast Asia.  This is not completely true.  Food is cheap and so is clothing.  You can eat a full meal for somewhere in the neighbourhood of about $10.00 Canadian for two people.  When I say a full meal I mean full!   None of this “Oh, I shouldn’t eat any more because I might get fat!” business.  When you stop eating it is because “there is no room at the Inn!”  However, if you choose to eat Western style – i.e. pizza or burgers, you will pay the same as at home on as many levels.

Clothing is cheap.  We took a cab to the mall today and purchased four different articles of apparel, ate lunch, came home in a cab and spent about $30.00 all told.  However, electronics are about the same price as home or possibly slightly more.  So don’t come to Southeast Asia looking for a bargain on computers or cell-phones.  Not only will you not get a deal, but you won’t be able to read the instructions.

  

Thai food is great.   And cheap.  I am not sure how they manage to make it so flavourful yet not heavy like Indian food.  We decided to find out. We took a Thai cooking class.  It was a great learning experience.  The instructor took us to the outdoor market to purchase the ingredients then took us to his school to show us how to make about five different dishes.  Granted this was fairly basic stuff but nevertheless it was fascinating to learn.  I have yet to see a grocery store here.  It looks as if everyone buys their food from the street market.  These markets are kind of like an outdoor Granville Market tucked in an alley.

The instructor, whose name was Jay, took us through the outdoor market showing us the various fish, meats, starches, vegetables and seasonings used in Thai cooking and explaining how to use each one.  It was quite an education – I did not know, for example, that there were so many varieties of eggplant.  He even showed us a type of eggplant called a “hairy” eggplant and said it was like me.  Then he giggled and bitch-slapped me on the shoulder.  

Is everyone in Thailand gay?

Jay shopping at the market

When we got back to the cooking school we had to wash the vegetables and arrange them artistically in a basket before we cooked with them.  I would have just tossed them on the counter but that is unacceptable and had Jay flapping around, flipping his hair and getting all bitchy. Presentation both before and after cooking is, I guess, important.  In spite of my tongue-in-cheek comments, we really did enjoy the course and Jay was a great instructor.  I might even have learned something…. Stranger things have happened…

For once in my life I did something smarter than Telen. One of the dishes we cooked required a hot Thai chili pepper. Those peppers are HOT! I carefully flipped most of the pepper out of my wok during the cooking process.  Telen did not do that, and she paid for it.  Everyone was gasping and sweating both while cooking and eating their dish except me. They were so impressed with my ability to eat hot food.  Telen ate all hers and subsequently spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom periodically calling out for buckets of ice and fire extinguishers.

Today we took a trip to Ayuthaya, the ancient capitol of Thailand.  Ayuthaya is famous for it’s many Buddhist temples stretching back to as early as AD 1400.  This area has been in a tug-o-war with Burma (Myanmar) for many hundreds of years so the temples have been built, razed, rebuilt and re-razed again many times over the course of their conflict.  The temples have been built in a myriad of styles as a result of who, if anyone, was in charge.  So we saw temples that were ruined in the Thai style, Cambodian style, Burmese style and Sri-Lankan style.  We did see one Buddha that was easily two stories tall and covered in gold.  Offerings and people praying surrounded Buddha.  This Buddha is often “honoured” or prayed to for the fulfillment of wishes – money, love, fortune etc. 

A ruined Buddhist Temple

My meager understanding of Buddhism is that the path to enlightenment requires a detachment from materialism.  The Indian prince who eventually became Buddha gave up all his worldly possessions when the suffering of the common people moved him.  When I saw the huge temples with all the gold raised in Buddha’s name it made me think of the Christians and their intolerance or the Muslims and their violence.  When religious leaders teach us something is it automatic that we do the opposite?

Telen at the Summer Palace

We did not get as much out of the trip as we hoped - thanks to the guide.  He was proud of the fact that he spoke four different languages.  English, apparently, was not one of them.  In spite of that, and the fact that Telen and I were the only native English speakers, he insisted on giving the tour in English.  At least that is what I believe it was.  The group consisted of Koreans, Japanese, Germans, Austrians, Dutch and Thais.  I cannot imagine what they got out of the tour.

Telen Writes:

Rand was right.  I should not have eaten all those chili peppers.  My gut is still upset.  Rand put on his pharmacist’s hat and found some Imodium for me.

We have spent a week here in Bangkok on our own now and are looking forward to start our 29 day G adventure tour through northern Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia.  Bangkok is a huge urban sprawl with 8 to 14 million people depending on where one draws the boundary.  Cars and scooters rule the road but we are becoming quite street wise now when crossing the road.  We have been to the nearby MBK mall 3 times now.  There must be over a thousand shops.  Going to the mall is a good way to escape the humid heat of Bangkok, to do people watching and to check out some bargains.  The workers and shopkeepers carry on their domestic chores in the mall as well.  For example, I saw a number of little ones ages around 6 months to 5 years old playing happily amongst the displays where their parents work.  I saw a mom chasing after a toddler as she tried to spoon feed him food.  Young people here like to wear a lot of makeup, female and male alike.  One time, we were at the mall just after it opened its doors at 10 am.  I saw some ladies applying their makeup, combing their hair.  One even changed her shirt behind the customer counter.

Bangkok is a city full of opposites.  One sees the saffron robed monks walking barefooted in the morning on the streets holding their begging bowl going from door to door to collect food.  The image of Buddha is revered, yet most people seem to practice the opposites of Buddha’s teaching.  Over indulgence is the norm here:  eating, shopping, material possessions.  Perhaps this is unique to Bangkok.  I am looking forward to see what other parts of Thailand will reveal.

Searching for Chinatown

The Temple of the Golden Buddha

Chinatown is reputedly about 20 minutes walk from our hotel.  We have tried to find it twice.  The problem is that the streets of Bangkok are narrow, winding, and frantically busy.  The other thing is that according to the map they theoretically have names but in reality that remains only a theory.   They have traffic laws here but they are only guidelines and no one has read the manual.  Crossing the street is an extreme sport.  Traffic lights are Christmas decorations that someone forgot to take down and are best ignored.  Strangely even though the streets are filled with near misses, close calls and near-death experiences no one leans on their horns or even appears upset.

Buddha

Last night, on our second attempt to find Chinatown we wandered hither and yon for a couple of hours and decided that we had best head back to the hotel for supper.  One thing about Bangkok is that there are street vendors every couple of meters cooking the most wonderful smelling food.  We didn’t make it to the Hotel. We had to stop and do the Thai thing – which is to eat incredible food from a street vendor while sitting on a plastic patio chair on the edge of chaos.  I am not really positive what it was we ate – I know there were noodles involved, some kind of vegetable and a mystery protein.  It tasted wonderful.  Thai food is rapidly overtaking Italian food as my favourite. 

Food is cheap here.  Our meal cost us about 300 Baht - which is about $10.00 Canadian.  That was for both of us and it included 3 dishes, cold drinks and tea.  Why would anyone eat at home when it is so cheap to eat out?  And the Thais love to eat!  Every minute of every day there are people sitting at the roadside stands concentrating on demolishing huge plates of food.  And very few people here are overweight.  You see some large people but, by and large, the Thais are slender.

Street Vendor cooking up something delicious

Feminity is prized here in Thailand.  Even, apparently, in the men.  If the first waiter we had could be described as “flaming” then the second one could only be described as “nuclear”.  It seems to be a common thing for gay men here to be very “Nelly” and flamboyant.  The straight men also seem to be quite feminine in appearance and mannerisms.  I guess that goes a long way to explaining the stereotype of the “lady-boy” – the transvestite concept carried to the extreme.  Strangely, the women are very feminine and seem to be very conscious of their appearance – clothing, make-up etc. etc.  The air seems to be saturated not just with water but with estrogen.

Since the climate here is very hot and humid we thought we would go to the local mall to get some appropriate clothing.  One needs clothing that is cool and mosquito proof if one does not want to contract heat stroke, malaria or dengue fever.  Our Canadian clothing goes a long way toward fending off the little bloodsuckers but also goes a long way toward creating the heat stroke.

The cab ride to the mall cost us about 50 Baht, 3 myocardial infarctions and 6 panic attacks.  The total cost:  about $1.25 or roughly 18 cents per M.I… 

We don’t have malls like that in Canada.  It was six stories tall and as long and as wide as two football fields (American measurement).  It seemed to go on forever and it was packed cheek to jowl with small stores. It was arranged, roughly, by merchandise.  Clothing on one floor, electronics on the next, furniture on another, etc.  The cell-phone floor was literally filled with cell-phone vendors and the space between the stalls was wide enough for two Thai to pass one another or one Canadian to walk down sideways.  Clothing was cheap – we got 4 shirts and two pairs of pants for about 1000 baht (roughly $30.00 Cad).  Electronics – not so much- about the same prices as at home.  The mall was packed with people shopping.  So much for Buddhism and the concept of refraining from possession.

After the shopping and driving Telen was all knotted up in the shoulders and decided a good massage was in order.  There was a place a stone’s throw from our hotel that advertised Thai massage and foot massage.  I have very fond memories of the food massages I had in China and thought it was a great idea.  Instead of the cute little Chinese girls who did the massage in China I got the only large overweight male Thai who had prison tats and multiple piercings as my masseur.  Not only was the massage considerably more vigorous than the ones in China there was also sharpened sticks used to poke into various and sundry points on my foot. The masseur dissolved in gales of laughter every time his prodding made me sit up suddenly.  

Relaxing?…I don’t think so!

We finally found Chinatown!  Telen checking out the produce

 Telen writes:

Sa-wat-dee!  This means Hello or Greetings in Thai.

Bangkok is a city of 8 million people, 14 million people if one includes the surrounding metropolitan area.  I am slowly adapting to the chaos of traffic and sounds.  The locals all seem to have a lovely gentle smile whenever they greet you.  Yet, a maniac-like aggression is displayed when they get behind the driver’s wheels or on mopeds.  Pedestrians have no rights.  Rand and I rely on the locals when crossing the streets, not the traffic lights.  Once we have committed ourselves to cross, we just run as fast as possible to the other side of the street looking repeatedly both ways for moving vehicles.

The sounds are chaotic as well.  This morning when we went into the dining room for breakfast, we were greeted by music from the Carpenters at high volume.  This was mixed in with loud conversations from other tourists from China.  I could tell - they were speaking (or rather- yelling) Mandarin.

My jet lag is much improved now.  Last night, I dragged Rand to a local massage parlor near the hotel to experience some traditional Thai massage.  I picked Thai massage as I thought it might help with my stiff sore upper back and neck from all the travelling.  The experience turned out to be totally unexpected.  For 1 hour, the masseuse stretched, pulled and bent all my major joints.  He slapped and kneaded the muscles in all 4 extremities, my entire back, neck and face.  Then, to gain even greater leverage, he put his foot in my armpits as he pulled on my upper trunk and twisted it into a yogic like posture.  After the treatment, Rand and I were offered a cup of hot sweet tea that turned out to be very refreshing.  This morning, I admit that I do feel better - less tense and stiff and more energetic.  My muscles feel somewhat sore as if I had a major workout.

Another confusing social scene is seeing people of uncertain gender, or sometimes referred to as the 3^rd gender.  According to some references I came across, the Thailand medical community performs the largest number of gender assignment surgery in the world.  Yet, Thailand is described in tour books as a conservative Buddhist society.

I am excited to be here in SE Asia.  For one thing, I love eating noodles and, guess what, noodles are a BIG favourite here.