High Anxiety

The great escape is rapidly approaching.   I am going through emotions ranging from “I can hardly wait!”  to ‘”What the hell am I doing??”  I am particularly familiar with the latter emotion.   It seems to be a recurring feeling in my life.  That and “It seemed like a good idea at the time”.  Both statements apply to this trip.  As the time draws nearer to our departure the more negative feelings seem to be prevalent.  We are still going to go ahead, never fear, and once we are on the road the positive feelings will prevail. 

  I desperately believe that…

It is just that I have had a job since I was thirteen.   I am a bit worried about how I will cope without one.   Such a strange worry.   Everyone I have spoken to has raised their eyebrows at me in incomprehension and said, “Oh, I think you’ll get used to it.”  

I think they might be right. 

The downsizing continues.   We packed at lot of our books and gave them to the book drive.   We love books and we don’t like to part with them.   We parted with THIRTY boxes of books.  It was like sending your kids off to university.  You worry about them and there is a sense of loss but then you feel the freedom and start dancing in a circle singing rugby songs.   Well, maybe I didn’t sing any rugby songs but I did dance in a circle using words I don’t normally use. (I dropped a box of books on my toe).  With the weight of those books gone I am worried about the house during the next windstorm

I am having some concerns about the ride across Canada.   Every route I plan has these mountain thingys in the way.   I still want to end up in Calgary after a few weeks to visit with lots of family and friends there but that means going over all these mountain passes.   What is THAT about!  Why is British Columbia so wrinkly anyway?   Just something to add to my overall anxiety levels!

We have spoken to the accountants, the banks, the travel agent, the insurance people and everyone else who has a reasonable grasp of reality and quite a few people who have little or no grasp of reality and they all seem to think this is feasible.  So why am I worried?   I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and say, “You can do this!”   My reflection mere sniggers and walks away.

Looking at my reflection is in no way reassuring even when I ignore the suppressed laughter.   I see a little fat sixty-year-old man who thinks he can ride his bicycle across the second largest country in the world.

 This could be worth a few laughs, indeed!