What happens in Vegas..

In one day you can go from one of the most incredible natural wonders of the world to one of the most incredible un-natural wonders of the world.  Las Vegas makes you wonder.  You have to wonder what it is, how it got there, where is the sense in it and, most of all, WHY?  Why did someone make it and why do people keep going there in such droves?  Ok, the former “why” is easy to answer: money.  The latter “why” is somewhat harder to answer.

The spirit of Las Vegas

The contrast between the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas could not be starker.  In some respects, though, they have similarities.   Both keep you spellbound, both instill in you a sense of wonder, and both give you a sense of how insignificant humanity is.

Walking down the strip in Las Vegas made me feel like I had ADH.  Everything was loud, strident, garish and constantly grabbing your attention.  Flashing lights, loud sudden noises, people in your face.  Concentrate?   I don’t think so!  Perhaps that is what the makers of Las Vegas are hoping for.  It is hard to make rational decisions when you are on sensory overload.  Then they offer you to drinking, gambling, and sex.

Foolproof formula.

The streets, food and shows are fun and interesting.  The gambling is just sad.  Everything is over the top on the streets and, if you take it with a sense of humour, it can be fun.  Hotels that look like an Egyptian Pyramid, New York City, France, Ancient Rome and Medieval Castles are amusing, if somewhat tacky.  It is kind of like a three bedroom rancher with half a dozen broken down vehicles in the yard and an Imperial Lion on the front porch.

Telen with the Belagio and Caesar's Palace in the Background - Vegas Strip

Some of the shows are great.  Elton John has a permanent show at Caesar’s palace and we considered going there but just didn’t have an extra $500.00 each to cough up.  David Copperfield has a show at the MGM Grand and there is, of course, Circe de Soleil that has two permanent shows.   All of which are prohibitive for two unemployed vagrants. 

I tried to bring in some extra cash by appearing in a Vegas show.  No, it was not one of those shows.  I promised I would not do those anymore…  We went to the Mac King Comedy Magic Show.  He came down into the audience and picked me to be his victim on stage.  After the show when I went to get my paycheque he just stared at me.  Similar to reaction I use to get when I did the “other” kind of show…  The show was very funny and his magic was amazing.  We both ended up with our sides aching from laughing and our minds spinning with trying to figure out how he did the tricks.  Well worth it.

The Mac King Comedy and Magic Show

The gambling brings the whole thing down, however.  Telen and I walked through the MGM Grand hotel Casino.  It was our first view of an actual Casino and we were anxious to see all the fancy gambling equipment, the wealthy handsome men in Tuxes and the gorgeous women in fancy ball gowns.  You know, like in the movies.  Movies are to Casinos what beer commercials are to drunkenness. 

We had a coffee at the Starbucks in the MGM Grand and did some people watching.  The image that sticks in my mind is of the unkempt, overweight, woman in a stained shirt and blue jeans sitting at a slot machine with a cigarette in one hand, a drink next to her relentlessly feeding her money into the slot machine to purchase the sound of bells ringing and lights flashing.  Most of the people we saw there did not look as if they had the money to support their tobacco and alcohol habits much less gambling. 

Harrah's Casino

As we were heading back to the hotel there appeared on the street a myriad of people handing out business cards of young ladies who really wanted to meet me without their clothes on.  I know prostitution is legal in Nevada and, I understand, government regulated, but I did not know the magnitude of the business.   There are either a huge number of women employed in the trade or a few very, very busy ones.  I guess the regulation of prostitution is of some benefit to the women in that they are not victimized by some vicious, lowlife pimp – they are victimized by a vicious low-life government.

Apparently some of these women will offer you a thing called a GFE.  It stands for “Girl-Friend Experience”.  They get moody and quiet when you don’t pay enough attention to them, angry with you when you look at other women, they won’t let you drink, gamble or act silly, they will groan at your jokes and tell you to grow up.  Then, at bedtime, they will be tired and have a headache.  

And you pay for this?

There are shows here directed at women as well.  There is the usual Chippendale’s show and a show called Australian Thunder, the poster for which shows a dozen men with full heads of hair and six packs.  I went in to see if they wanted to employ me and showed them that I put all those six-packs to shame with my keg.  They just stared at me and had a couple of very large Italian men show me to the door and out of it and across the street without touching the ground.  I guess they didn’t want me to make their show look lame. 

Vegas is one of those places that you have to put into perspective.  There is a feeling that all the glitz, lights and noise is a polished veneer over a dark and twisted interior. If you take it seriously it can make you cry but if you consider it  as an adult Disneyland without the whimsy you have to laugh...

Telen writes:

The transition from the awesome experience of the Grand Canyon to the man-made glitter of Las Vegas was quite a shock to me.  Everywhere I looked on the main street of “Las Vegas Boulevard” there was something flashing and blinking.  Within 3 blocks, I saw the Egyptian pyramid and the Sphinx, the Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysee, and the Empire State Building.  It rained quite heavily part of the day we were there but this unusually wet weather for the desert did not really matter to most people.  Within every casino, one can gamble, sleep in the lovely rooms upstairs, eat-all-you-want buffets and smoke anywhere you like inside the building, 24/7.  How fascinating!

For me, I enjoyed experiencing the over-the-top Las Vegas but a one-day stay was plenty for me.  I felt sensory overloaded by the late afternoon.  As we were walking back to our hotel 2 blocks away, numerous shills strategically positioned themselves at every corner shoving cards with pictures of seductive ladies in various poses to Rand.  I of course forbade Rand from collecting these (though he would have liked to, I think).  There were several trucks with billboards advertising “Girls, Girls, Girls.  We deliver to your door within 20 minutes” continually cruising up and down the Las Vegas Boulevard.