North West of the South Island of Middle Earth

The North West Coast of The South Island near Punakaiki.

So far New Zealand is like a Cole’s Notes Condensed version of British Columbia.

There are a few differences.  There are no bears or other large mammals other than those kept on farms for human consumption.  The mountains are smaller but they tend to explode.  They have dense rainforest made up of steroid abusing ferns and other weird looking plants rather than massive evergreens with no personal space issues.  Everything is close together.

These are ferns, not Palm trees.  

Like BC we see wineries, mountains, oceans, lakes, glaciers and beautiful scenery.  The advantage to New Zealand is that your window of opportunity to see such things is much larger.  The general climate here is much like that of Victoria – cool summers, warm winters and little snow.  You don’t have to pack a month’s supply of food and water and hire porters and sherpas to get from one area of interest to another.

Having said that the pace of life here is sane.  You Torontonians, Calgarians and your ilk are probably rolling your eyes at my statement that BC life is too fast paced.  It is too fast paced.  The pace of life in BC is too stressful for actual sanity.  It is ridiculously fast paced in Toronto and no one ever said anyone from Toronto was sane.  Calgarians, well, what can I say…

Come to New Zealand to see how life should be lived.

We went kayaking in Abel Tasman Park.  Abel Tasman Park is New Zealand’s smallest national park and it is about one hour’s drive out of Nelson.  One hour’s drive in New Zealand does not mean 100 km.  New Zealand does not spend a lot of money on roads.  The roads are all two lane – one lane going in each direction – and they do not blast their way through obstacles.  They go around them.  That means there are no straight parts on any roads in New Zealand.  Even if they are going across dead flat areas they wind around avoiding such obstacles as rocks, trees, grass or sheep. Many of the bridges are one lane so only one vehicle can go over at a time.  Woss yer ‘urry, mite?

We spent the day kayaking in the park.  The weather was great for it – it was warm with clear blue skies and very little wind.  We saw seals, little blue penguins, and a giant stingray.  We also saw that someone’s breast implants had fallen out.  We were told that it was only a jellyfish and that we could touch it if we wanted.  We had barbequed lamb on the beach and got too much sun.  Life is SOOO hard here in New Zealand.

Life is SOOOO hard in New Zealand

From Nelson we travelled to Punakaiki. Punakaiki is right on the west coast of the south island facing the restless Tasman Sea. It is famous for it’s pancake rocks and blowholes.  Mostly Punakaiki is famous as a stopover point between Nelson and the Franz Josef glacier. The pancake rocks are a geological formation – not a particularly crunchy breakfast food. They are interesting, but not spectacular and the blowholes are similar to those we have on the west coast of the island.  

Telen making the blowholes look good

The place we stayed at did not have a kitchenette and there was very little choice as far as eating goes.   So we ate at the restaurant in the hotel. 

That was unfortunate.

 Because I felt like indulging and I love fish and chips I had…. fish and chips.  $36.00 worth of fish and chips.  That sounds like a lot but it wasn’t – 2 pieces of fish and a small bowl of chips.   It did include some steamed veggies, tartar sauce and staphylococcus.

The next morning I was in agony.  I felt as if Alien was about to burst out of my gut and rampage through the bus.  Six hours in pouring rain on a bus rocking back and forth on the Kiwi highways with Alien playing fast and loose in my gut with a vise-grip and a monkey wrench.  By the time we got to Franz Josef I was a limp rag.  Telen said I was grouchy.  

Ya think?

Then the vomiting started.  I was fortunate that that particular phase happened when I was at the hotel where it was a bit less embarrassing to do projectile emesis.  Nothing says “cool” like being on all fours on the side of the road bringing up your stomach contents while 30 people on a bus adjudicate your style.  It was a rough day.  Strangely the next day I felt fine – just a little weak and very hungry since I had not eaten the previous day at all.  Food poisoning is something I expected in Southeast Asia but it surprised me in New Zealand.

Franz Josef is all about the glacier.  You can skydive over the glacier, you can helicopter to the glacier, you can fly over the glacier, you can have guided tours to the glacier or just about anything else you can think of to do with glaciers.   If you have the cash…  We hiked up to glacier.  For free. 

Apparently that is frowned upon here.

Franz Josef Glacier

Telen and the waterfall.  

It was a very nice hike.  In New Zealand you don’t hike on trails – you tramp on tracks.  Saw wye trumped onna truk up tudda glysha, mite.  It was a very nice tramp through rain forest with all kinds of interesting and odd looking plants. It was both strange and beautiful.  You get the feeling that you have wandered into Jurassic Park and T-Rex is about to leap out at you and take a bite.  Luckily the only creatures that do take a bite are sand flies.  T-Rex has better taste than to eat Canadians.  Frozen food is not as good for you as the fresh stuff and I look like I would be too high in cholesterol.  On the other hand WE had a picnic up there - but did not eat the local wildlife.

Picnic by the glacier

However, I did take a drink out of the stream coming from the glacier.  It is kind of fun to think I was drinking water that fell as snow before my Neanderthal ancestors wandered into Europe.  That water was as clear as any water I have ever seen, it was cold and it was delicious.  Clean taste, delicate aroma with a slight mammothy aftertaste.

Taking a drink of glacier water NOT kissing the ground

The Franz Josef glacier was interesting but not as spectacular as the Columbia Ice Fields.  However the Columbia Ice Fields has boring plants and giant mosquitos as compared to fascinating plants and sand flies with delusions of grandeur.

The accommodation we had in Franz Josef was at a place called the “Rainforest Retreat”.  I had pictured a cabin tucked somewhere in a deep green rainforest at the base of some huge trees with moss-covered rocks around and the sound of a stream running somewhere in the distance.    The “cabin” was actually a motel room right on the edge of town near the rainforest and the moss-covered rock was the gravel in the parking lot. We arrived at about the same time as two tour busses from Trafalgar Tours and Flying Kiwi’s. 

So much for tranquil forest retreat!

The hormones flowing from those busses could have been bottled and sold on the net.  No one on either of those busses could have been older than twenty-five and all of them were very thirsty.  No sooner had their wranglers got them checked in than they stampeded for the Monsoon Bar that was in the complex.  Normally that kind of behavior is not a problem for us.  The noise level was.  All the boys were yelling various versions of “Pay attention to ME!” and all the girls were being coy at the top of their lungs.  At 3 am they were still doing the mating dance. 

It had the makings of a BBC nature documentary.  There was a rainforest, there was wildlife, there was mating behavior, and a viscous predator looking to kill something.    

      

  

North Island - Middle Earth

Kiwi's are generally friendly - but customs tend to be a bit tough

We have arrived in Middle Earth.

It is a bit of a disappointment in that we have not, so far, seen any Elves, Hobbits, Dwarves, Dragons or Wizards.  On the other hand I am just as glad to have not seen any Goblins, Orcs or Trolls.  I think we saw a few fairies though.  

Everyone we have met on our journey has loved New Zealand.  Our Swedish friends, who we met in Cairns, loved New Zealand because, they said, there was nothing here that wanted to kill you.  It was an interesting perspective – but obviously they have not read their Tolkien.

But that does bring up an interesting thing about New Zealand.  Up until the arrival of humans here in about 1200 AD there were no mammals other than one little species of bat.  Every other animal was a bird, an insect or an occasional reptile.  They had huge birds called the Moa that was like a Costco sized Ostrich all the way down to the famous Kiwi bird that looks like a large Kiwi fruit with legs. (An American tourist we met thought Kiwi birds ate Kiwi fruit…) Basically the birds owned New Zealand.

Humans arrived and brought with us our best friend and companion - the rat.  Life changed for the birds.  Humans hunted them and the rats ate their food.  Then the white man showed up and brought all our other mammalian buddies like the cat, dog, rabbit, sheep, goat, cow, pig and a few groupie animals like the possum, weasel, and stoat.  The Moa is extinct and the Kiwi bird is close to it.  There are almost 4 times as many sheep in New Zealand as there are people and the forests here are filled with trees imported from California.  The Moa, if he ever returned, would not recognize his old home.

I think Kerstin, our Swedish friend, got it wrong.  There are lots of things here that want to kill us, they just don’t know how.

Kiwis practice an interesting version of forestry.   I think of it as invasive forestry.  Prior to the arrival of Maori New Zealand was covered in forest.  When the white man arrived about 400 years later there was more open space but still a lot of bush.  After the Second World War New Zealand had an excess of able-bodied, if somewhat traumatized, men.  What to do with them?  Get them to plant trees!   They imported Monterey Pines from California and sent these poor blokes off into the hinterland to plant them.  The pine loved New Zealand’s soil and constant temperatures and grew like mad.  The forest industry was born!  There are huge forests of these Monterey Pines everywhere all laid out in concentric lines crowding out the native plants and the native species that depend on them. 

Then they clear-cut them.

Another thing they imported to New Zealand was deer from Canada.  However, these deer are not wild - they are farmed. I cannot imagine the destruction those deer would have on the forests if they got loose.  It would be like releasing thousands of Canadians into a pub after the owner has left.

Auckland is a nice city.  I am not exactly sure what it is about Auckland that makes it feel nice – it looks pretty much like any other city.   It is more expensive than most.  Not as pricey as Australia – but certainly more expensive than home.  To ameliorate that, the Kiwi dollar is worth about 82 cents Canadian.  There is a laid-back atmosphere in Auckland – you don’t have Suits rushing around with their teeth clenched or car-drivers waving their fists as they curse the drivers in front of them who are doing the same.  People move at a more sedate pace (not as sedate as Bali!) with smiles on their faces and a sense of friendliness about them.

You cannot talk about New Zealand without mentioning volcanoes. Auckland is surrounded by 13 volcanic cones.  Tau Po is on the shores of Great Lake Tau Po that is actually a lake that has formed in the mouth of an extinct volcano.  Rotorua, which is built in the crater of a volcano, is still smoking. Napier is a town that was devastated by a major earthquake in 1932 and rebuilt and we all know about the earthquake that leveled Christchurch.  Yet they say New Zealand is one of the most stable countries in the world… New Zealand has it’s own “ring of fire” and not the type that you put the toilet paper into the freezer for. 

We did get into hot water in Rotorua

 After Auckland we took the bus to Rotorua.  Rotorua is known for two main things:  geothermal activity and Maoris.  Rotorua is situated in the mouth of a volcano and just beneath the city is a huge mass of hot rocks that heats up the water that runs over it.  Essentially it is sitting on a massive hot spring.  This gives the city a certain air.  It is like living in Nanaimo when the wind is blowing from Harmac.  Except, there is no pulp mill. They have a park where there are holes in the ground with steam billowing out.  One area of town is a huge mud hole with super-heated steam bubbling out and a geyser next door.  The nice thing about this hot spring is that people use it to heat their homes and their water.  It makes me nervous to think that beneath the supposedly solid ground I am walking on is a river of super-heated steam.  The fact that the ground could collapse under me and I could end up in really hot water is a little too much like being back at work.

We went to a presentation given by the local Maori tribe.  Granted, it was meant for tourists but it still gave us some information about the Maoris.  As far as indigenous people go the Maori are doing a whole lot better than the Australian Aborigines and the North American First Nations.  That is not to say that there are no conflicts but I think there is considerably less suppression and resentment.  The presentation showed us a typical Maori village, Maori weapons, Maori dances and fed us traditional Maori food such as lamb, chicken, scalloped potatoes and trifle.  OK, I think they may have modified the food slightly to fit with northern appetites. 

Telen and her friend giving a "Welcome" face..

They ended the show with a Haka.  I had to go have a little lay-down after that. 

The Haka is a Maori war dance.  Personally, if I was going to war against some Maoris, and they did a Haka at me  - I would quickly become very keen on negotiation.  When the men make the scary faces with the bulging eyes and the tongue sticking out it is frightening but when the women do it – it is bowel loosening.

After Rotorua we went to Tau Po, which is on the shores of Lake Tau Po.  Lake Tau Po is actually a volcanic crater filled with water.  It reminds me a great deal of the Okanogan minus the mountains plus a volcano.   So far most of New Zealand reminds me of the Okanogan – rolling hills, warm weather, fertile land and sheep.  Except the Okanogan does not have sheep.  Everywhere you look in New Zealand there are sheep.  It’s like New Zealand has a flaky skin disorder.

After Tau Po we arrived in Napier.  Napier has three claims to fame: the Art Deco buildings, the consistent mild climate and the wineries.  The Art Deco buildings were built after the earthquake of 1932 when they reconstructed the city.  A lot of the area of Napier that were under water in 1932 suddenly became above water after the earthquake.  The land lifted up almost three meters.  Islands became hills and sea bottom became neighbourhoods.  They rebuilt in fashion of the times – which means Art Deco. 

On the Art-Deco streets of  Napier

The consistent mild climate and the volcanic soil make the area ideal for growing grapes.  Grapes means wine.  So we went on a wine tour.  Odd choice for two people who don’t drink.  It was interesting to taste the different wines but after a few wineries they all start to blend together and we could not remember which was which.  Ok, you wine snobs are probably sneering at this affront to the divine art of wine tasting but I don’t care.  I never claimed to be cultured and I cannot tell all the different smells in a glass of wine – they all smell like rotten grapes to me. I know, I know – not only do I look like a Neanderthal but I act like one too.  You are not saying anything that has not been said to me before.

Wine Tasting in Napier

After six hours on the bus we arrived in Wellington.  Wellington is the capital of New Zealand and looks a bit like the love child of San Francisco and Victoria.  It too seems to be built on new land that was conveniently thrown up by an earthquake in the late 1800s. It is built on lots of hills and looks very clean and shiny.  In spite of the hills we have seen many cyclists and runners here.  It does my heart good (metaphorically) to see all these people out exercising.  Kiwis generally seem to be in good shape.  Their lifestyle seems to help that.  They work at their own pace and don’t seem to be as stressed as us Canadians.  We noticed that at lunchtime people were out for a jog or a bike ride.  Nice to have that amount of time available mid-day.  Personally I think it is a great idea.

Above the streets of Wellington

So, we have arrived at the south end of the North Island and tomorrow we arrive at the north end of the South Island. 

And they call this Middle Earth?

Arriving at the North End of the South Island

Telen Writes:

We have been in the North Island of New Zealand for almost 2 weeks now.  I have learnt to distinguish different kinds of “Kiwis”.  A kiwi can be referred to a person born and bred in New Zealand, or, a hairy roundish nocturnal flightless bird with a long narrow beak native to New Zealand or the brown hairy fruit with the green interior.

The kiwis that we have met are generally friendly, low key and with a quirky sense of humor.  We have been travelling by coaches and buses.  We really enjoy “people watching” along with the beautiful scenery along the way.  The landscape in North Island resembles the Okanagan/Kamloops with rolling hills.  The difference is the evidence of volcanic activities from long ago, the hot springs and the boiling mud.

Everywhere we have been is tidy and clean.  When we arrived yesterday in Nelson in the South Island, our bus shuttle driver, Brian, gave us an impromptu tour of the area enroute to our motel.  Nelson is a town of 45,000 with a touch of Salt Springs Island.  It seems to attract artists and craftsmen along with outdoors enthusiasts.  He said apologetically that graffiti vandalism is a bit of a problem here as he pointed to a door of a wooden house.  Someone had painted a heart shaped graffiti on the door.  That was their big crime!

People’s lives here seem stable, tranquil.  May be that is why there are bungee jumping, parasailing, paragliding, sky diving, zip lining and jet skiing offered everywhere we go.  The kiwis seem to like the adrenalin rush from engaging in the act of jumping from great heights or flying through air at high speed.  Lives can become boring otherwise.  My take home message: do something outside of one’s comfort zone once in a while and enjoy the experience.

     

Koala

Crocodiles just hangin' out.  They were keen on cuddling with me but I was not in the mood

The heat and humidity of Cairns came to an end.   It is the rainy season in Cairns and we have seen very little rain.   Apparently, according to the locals, the rainforest requires rain.   Isn’t science amazing that they could figure that out?  The rainy season is about six weeks late and people are getting worried. 

Worry no more!  

The humidity finally went over the threshold and became rain.  We figured that since it was raining the temperature would drop and we would no longer stick to everything we touched.  Do you remember me telling you about how warm the ocean is around Cairns?  Well, so is the rain.  It is like taking a warm shower – all that is required is the shampoo.  At home, when it rains, you know that you will get cold and wet and that it is going to be miserable for days or even weeks.   In Cairns it rains buckets until the streets are all underwater – you will get wet, but not cold and in forty-five minutes it is all over.  Ten minutes later the streets are dry and you are sticking to things again.

There is a town near Cairns called Kuranda and it is heavily promoted as a place to go when visiting this area.  It calls itself “Village in the Rainforest” which really describes its location rather than what its about.  There are multiple excursions marketed here that have you go to Kuranda on the scenic train there and return on the Skyrail – which is like a ski lift gondola that takes you over the rainforest.  These excursions all cost a major body part or two.  When I asked some of the locals what there is there they all seemed pretty vague and said things like, “It used to be a hippie place once…” Sounds like Saltspring.

Koalas just hangin' out doing what Koalas do best -just hang out.

Telen found out that they have Koalas.

We caught the bus to Kuranda the next day.  Telen figured out that if we caught the bus there and back it would only cost about $10.00 each.  It actually turned out to be $8.00 each.  This shows that she is the brains of the outfit and I am just along for the heavy lifting. 

The term “tourist trap” barely scratches the surface.   Imagine paying a vast sum of money to take a train to somewhere for the privilege of shopping in a hundred little souvenir shops all selling the same souvenirs.  They sold T-shirts with sketchy sayings on them that you would never, ever wear again, they sold fake Crocodile Dundee hats, they sold Didgeridoos that no one would ever fit in their luggage and all manner of cheap brightly coloured unidentifiable items.

But they had Koalas.

 Koala just being cute.

We went to see the Koalas.  Koalas have an interesting evolutionary development.  Since they live exclusively on eucalyptus leaves that have very poor nutritional value they have to conserve energy.  They do this by sleeping a lot and by cutting down on the use of one of the most energy expensive organs in the body.  The brain.  Over the millennia they have reduced the size of their brain to about the size of a walnut.  But they are cute.  It brings to mind some girls I know…

Like those girls, they stress easily.  The Koala handler assured us that the Koalas you could handle were used to people and actually enjoyed being cuddled.  So Telen wanted to hold one and get her photo taken while doing so.  No problem.  A little money please and Bob’s your uncle.

Unfortunately they did not take into consideration the family in front of us.  They were either Korean or Chinese and they really, really wanted their son to have his photo taken with the Koala.  I am not sure he wanted the photo as much as his parents did – in fact, I am sure of it.  He was standing up there against the photo backdrop and his parents and his brother were all giving him advice in the way that Koreans and Chinese do.  Yelling it all at the same time.  I was getting stressed.   The photographer and the handler got him to stand in a certain pose and tried to get him to hold the Koala.   As soon as he touched the Koala he jumped back and nearly dropped the poor little creature. 

Now everyone was stressed.  The volume from the family increased and they started waving their hands around.  The handler was stressed about the Koala.  The boy was stressed about having to hold the Koala.  The photographer was stressed because she had other people waiting.  We were stressed because the situation was coming off the rails and the noise level was well above the WCB safe level.  The Koala?  Did you know that when Koalas are stressed they cry like a baby?  Part of the walnut brain thingy.  This poor Koala was crying and rolling her head back and forth just like a human baby.  The seething handler quickly took the crying Koala back into her enclosure and we did not see either of them again.

Telen and Tam.  Both being very cute.  Tam is 4 years old and smells like Eucalyptus.  

Another handler came out with another Koala who seemed calm and alert and really responded positively to Telen stroking her back.  She cuddled right into Telen and they had an instant bond.  The problem came when the handler wanted to put the Koala back into her enclosure.   Neither Telen nor the Koala was willing to co-operate.   I had to threaten to bring back the Korean family.  That was probably the fastest either of them ever moved.  Even the photographer broke out into a cold sweat.   I told them I was only kidding but the Koala glared at me as I slunk away anyway.

Kangaroos.  We did see some wild ones but could not get close enough to get a good photo.  Really, we did!