Stress inflation

A waterfall in Milford Sound

Remember that I said that life is less stressful in New Zealand?

Well, it is – but moderation in all things – even moderation.  I think Kiwis have reduced the stress too much in their lives.  In order to compensate for the lack of stress they jump off of things.  Here in Queenstown there is no shortage of places to jump off of extreme heights.  Bungee jumping was invented here.  However, you can also skydive, parasail, kite-surf, base-jump, canyon swing, and anything else that you can think of to pump out that adrenaline.  In our evolution as tree-dwelling primates we developed a very sensible fear of falling.  It was important for us to believe that if we fell out of our tree we would become part of the food chain either as prey or as carrion.

So the Kiwis have invented ways to allow us to laugh in the face of death and sneer at good judgment.  They get us to leap off of great heights to our certain death – then catch us at the last minute.  When we do this, and survive, we feel great.  Kind of like when we take our hands out of the fire – it feels so good when it stops.  The Kiwis are smart and make people pay for this experience.  Imagine that – paying huge amounts of money to give yourself a near-death experience and a trip to the laundromat.  I have read that the greatest fear people have is public speaking. Why not just have a stage and an audience and get people to pay to get up and make a speech?

No, this is NOT me.  I wonder how much he paid to do this.

Bungee jumping was invented in Queenstown.  We actually saw the site where it was first done.  They have since increased the options available to someone with an excess of bravery, cash and a shortage of intelligence.  It all comes down to how long you want to be in free-fall.  The higher the platform the longer you fall before the bungee cord starts to slow you down. It costs about $200.00 for a jump that leaves you in free-fall for about 2 seconds. You are plummeting at $100.00 per second. This fact is even more chilling than dropping to what your brain believes is a certain and painful death; dropping to a certain and painful bankruptcy.  To make it even more exciting you can do the jump while wearing a garbage can over your head or by leaning back in a chair until you fall off the platform.  That sounds too much like real life to me.

At my age there is a good reason for me to not bungee jump other than poverty and wisdom.  I reckon that when I get to the end of my rope all my flesh would slough off like an over-cooked chicken leg and just my bones would be left hanging and clicking in the breeze while an oily glob drifted down the river below. 

This is not an experience I am willing to pay for.

Queenstown advertises itself as the adrenalin capital of the world.  You can roar up narrow canyons on a jet boat barely missing the canyon walls if you wish.  When the jet boats get back to the jetty they come in at ludicrous speed and suddenly turn.  Since they have no keel they simply start spinning and skipping across the surface of the water.  A lot of people scream at this point.  I know I did - and I wasn’t even in the boat.  They can attach you to a parachute and drag you behind a boat such that you are essentially hanging in the air and trusting your survival to 20 square meters of Asian-made artificial fabric and a half-crazed immature Kiwi drunk on adrenalin.  You can take a gondola up to the top of the nearest mountain and they will attach you to half a parachute and let you leap off.  You can take a lift up a hill where they will place you inside an inflated rubber ball and roll you back down.  An exercise in futility, if you ask me.  All of these things and more are available to you here in Queenstown if you have the cash and not a lick of common sense.  When you are done here you will have no cash and, hopefully, somewhat more common sense.

Us?  We went to Milford Sound.

Does this look like something from Lord of the Rings?

Milford Sound is in Fjordland National Park on the west coast of New Zealand.  It is mis-named in a few ways.  It is, in fact a fjord.  A “sound” is an inlet carved out by a river and then backfilled with ocean as the sea rises.  A “fjord” is an inlet carved out by a glacier and backfilled with ocean as the ice melts and the sea levels rise.  One is created by gradual erosion by the river and the other is created by brute force as the ice smashes its way through the rock.  Sort of like poetry vs. prose or Canada vs. the US.  Negotiation vs. War…   that sort of thing.

The other way it is miss-named is calling it Milford.  That is like renaming Gandalf the Wizard to Miles the Magician.  New Zealand does tend to do that – they have some of the most lackluster names for their cities:  Hamilton, Wellington, Nelson.

Along the way to Milford Sound we stopped at some of the areas where the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit were filmed.  There is no evidence of there ever being a film crew there but the bus driver was still muttering under his breath about all the delays they caused.  It makes me want to watch the movies again to see if I can identify some of the sites.  In Queenstown our accommodation was almost at the base of the Mountains of Mordor. Telen thought she heard a gravelly voice muttering about something “precious” during the night.  It gave her a bit of fright but I explained to her that I was just trying to murmur sweet endearments to her.  Ok, so I have a cold… but that was no excuse for trying to stab me with an enchanted Swiss Army Knife. Actually the mountain range is called the “Remarkables” but it doubled as Mordor for the movie.  

The Mountains of Mordor aka "the Remarkables"

 Milford Sound is nothing short of spectacular.

A fjord, generally, is a body of water (NOT a poorly make Norwegian automobile!) that has mountains that go almost straight up on either side.  Milford does that.  In spades!  Although the mountains are nowhere near as high as the mountains in BC they are breathtaking.  They are essentially enormous cliffs that drop straight down into the gorge of Milford Sound.  Since it rains 2 days out of 3 on this particular part of the coast (they get 3 meters of rain a year) there are myriad waterfalls tumbling down those cliffs.  The trees of this area have figured out how to hang on to those cliffs so they are covered in vegetation.  One can go on and on trying to explain how awe-inspiring Milford Sound is without being able to get it across.  Photos cannot do it justice.  When I look at the photos I took of Milford Sound I am blown away by how they have been completely unable to capture it.  There is no way to convey the grandeur of Milford Sound using words or pictures. 

You just gotta go there!

A waterfall into Milford Sound.  Notice the ship at the base of the cliffs?

We cruised out to the Tasman Sea through Milford Sound.  I got a terrible crick in my neck from looking up at the mountains.  Some of them, literally, leaned out over the water.  Since this area has a penchant for landslides this made me distinctly nervous.  I was reassured that the mountains were solid granite and if they fell on me I would not feel a thing.

The weather coming into Milford Sound from the Tasman Sea

I was hoping to see wildlife in Milford Sound.  The brochures talked about seals, dolphins and weird exotic birds.  We saw some gulls and a few seals. We can see those at home any day of the week.  Apparently the Sound is so deep that there is nothing to eat there so the birds and dolphins only come in for a visit once in a while and apparently they were not feeling sociable that day.  How mercenary can you get?  They won’t come to visit unless it’s for dinner. 

Makes you wonder how genuine their friendship is…

It was a bit breezy that day...

North West of the South Island of Middle Earth

The North West Coast of The South Island near Punakaiki.

So far New Zealand is like a Cole’s Notes Condensed version of British Columbia.

There are a few differences.  There are no bears or other large mammals other than those kept on farms for human consumption.  The mountains are smaller but they tend to explode.  They have dense rainforest made up of steroid abusing ferns and other weird looking plants rather than massive evergreens with no personal space issues.  Everything is close together.

These are ferns, not Palm trees.  

Like BC we see wineries, mountains, oceans, lakes, glaciers and beautiful scenery.  The advantage to New Zealand is that your window of opportunity to see such things is much larger.  The general climate here is much like that of Victoria – cool summers, warm winters and little snow.  You don’t have to pack a month’s supply of food and water and hire porters and sherpas to get from one area of interest to another.

Having said that the pace of life here is sane.  You Torontonians, Calgarians and your ilk are probably rolling your eyes at my statement that BC life is too fast paced.  It is too fast paced.  The pace of life in BC is too stressful for actual sanity.  It is ridiculously fast paced in Toronto and no one ever said anyone from Toronto was sane.  Calgarians, well, what can I say…

Come to New Zealand to see how life should be lived.

We went kayaking in Abel Tasman Park.  Abel Tasman Park is New Zealand’s smallest national park and it is about one hour’s drive out of Nelson.  One hour’s drive in New Zealand does not mean 100 km.  New Zealand does not spend a lot of money on roads.  The roads are all two lane – one lane going in each direction – and they do not blast their way through obstacles.  They go around them.  That means there are no straight parts on any roads in New Zealand.  Even if they are going across dead flat areas they wind around avoiding such obstacles as rocks, trees, grass or sheep. Many of the bridges are one lane so only one vehicle can go over at a time.  Woss yer ‘urry, mite?

We spent the day kayaking in the park.  The weather was great for it – it was warm with clear blue skies and very little wind.  We saw seals, little blue penguins, and a giant stingray.  We also saw that someone’s breast implants had fallen out.  We were told that it was only a jellyfish and that we could touch it if we wanted.  We had barbequed lamb on the beach and got too much sun.  Life is SOOO hard here in New Zealand.

Life is SOOOO hard in New Zealand

From Nelson we travelled to Punakaiki. Punakaiki is right on the west coast of the south island facing the restless Tasman Sea. It is famous for it’s pancake rocks and blowholes.  Mostly Punakaiki is famous as a stopover point between Nelson and the Franz Josef glacier. The pancake rocks are a geological formation – not a particularly crunchy breakfast food. They are interesting, but not spectacular and the blowholes are similar to those we have on the west coast of the island.  

Telen making the blowholes look good

The place we stayed at did not have a kitchenette and there was very little choice as far as eating goes.   So we ate at the restaurant in the hotel. 

That was unfortunate.

 Because I felt like indulging and I love fish and chips I had…. fish and chips.  $36.00 worth of fish and chips.  That sounds like a lot but it wasn’t – 2 pieces of fish and a small bowl of chips.   It did include some steamed veggies, tartar sauce and staphylococcus.

The next morning I was in agony.  I felt as if Alien was about to burst out of my gut and rampage through the bus.  Six hours in pouring rain on a bus rocking back and forth on the Kiwi highways with Alien playing fast and loose in my gut with a vise-grip and a monkey wrench.  By the time we got to Franz Josef I was a limp rag.  Telen said I was grouchy.  

Ya think?

Then the vomiting started.  I was fortunate that that particular phase happened when I was at the hotel where it was a bit less embarrassing to do projectile emesis.  Nothing says “cool” like being on all fours on the side of the road bringing up your stomach contents while 30 people on a bus adjudicate your style.  It was a rough day.  Strangely the next day I felt fine – just a little weak and very hungry since I had not eaten the previous day at all.  Food poisoning is something I expected in Southeast Asia but it surprised me in New Zealand.

Franz Josef is all about the glacier.  You can skydive over the glacier, you can helicopter to the glacier, you can fly over the glacier, you can have guided tours to the glacier or just about anything else you can think of to do with glaciers.   If you have the cash…  We hiked up to glacier.  For free. 

Apparently that is frowned upon here.

Franz Josef Glacier

Telen and the waterfall.  

It was a very nice hike.  In New Zealand you don’t hike on trails – you tramp on tracks.  Saw wye trumped onna truk up tudda glysha, mite.  It was a very nice tramp through rain forest with all kinds of interesting and odd looking plants. It was both strange and beautiful.  You get the feeling that you have wandered into Jurassic Park and T-Rex is about to leap out at you and take a bite.  Luckily the only creatures that do take a bite are sand flies.  T-Rex has better taste than to eat Canadians.  Frozen food is not as good for you as the fresh stuff and I look like I would be too high in cholesterol.  On the other hand WE had a picnic up there - but did not eat the local wildlife.

Picnic by the glacier

However, I did take a drink out of the stream coming from the glacier.  It is kind of fun to think I was drinking water that fell as snow before my Neanderthal ancestors wandered into Europe.  That water was as clear as any water I have ever seen, it was cold and it was delicious.  Clean taste, delicate aroma with a slight mammothy aftertaste.

Taking a drink of glacier water NOT kissing the ground

The Franz Josef glacier was interesting but not as spectacular as the Columbia Ice Fields.  However the Columbia Ice Fields has boring plants and giant mosquitos as compared to fascinating plants and sand flies with delusions of grandeur.

The accommodation we had in Franz Josef was at a place called the “Rainforest Retreat”.  I had pictured a cabin tucked somewhere in a deep green rainforest at the base of some huge trees with moss-covered rocks around and the sound of a stream running somewhere in the distance.    The “cabin” was actually a motel room right on the edge of town near the rainforest and the moss-covered rock was the gravel in the parking lot. We arrived at about the same time as two tour busses from Trafalgar Tours and Flying Kiwi’s. 

So much for tranquil forest retreat!

The hormones flowing from those busses could have been bottled and sold on the net.  No one on either of those busses could have been older than twenty-five and all of them were very thirsty.  No sooner had their wranglers got them checked in than they stampeded for the Monsoon Bar that was in the complex.  Normally that kind of behavior is not a problem for us.  The noise level was.  All the boys were yelling various versions of “Pay attention to ME!” and all the girls were being coy at the top of their lungs.  At 3 am they were still doing the mating dance. 

It had the makings of a BBC nature documentary.  There was a rainforest, there was wildlife, there was mating behavior, and a viscous predator looking to kill something.    

      

  

North Island - Middle Earth

Kiwi's are generally friendly - but customs tend to be a bit tough

We have arrived in Middle Earth.

It is a bit of a disappointment in that we have not, so far, seen any Elves, Hobbits, Dwarves, Dragons or Wizards.  On the other hand I am just as glad to have not seen any Goblins, Orcs or Trolls.  I think we saw a few fairies though.  

Everyone we have met on our journey has loved New Zealand.  Our Swedish friends, who we met in Cairns, loved New Zealand because, they said, there was nothing here that wanted to kill you.  It was an interesting perspective – but obviously they have not read their Tolkien.

But that does bring up an interesting thing about New Zealand.  Up until the arrival of humans here in about 1200 AD there were no mammals other than one little species of bat.  Every other animal was a bird, an insect or an occasional reptile.  They had huge birds called the Moa that was like a Costco sized Ostrich all the way down to the famous Kiwi bird that looks like a large Kiwi fruit with legs. (An American tourist we met thought Kiwi birds ate Kiwi fruit…) Basically the birds owned New Zealand.

Humans arrived and brought with us our best friend and companion - the rat.  Life changed for the birds.  Humans hunted them and the rats ate their food.  Then the white man showed up and brought all our other mammalian buddies like the cat, dog, rabbit, sheep, goat, cow, pig and a few groupie animals like the possum, weasel, and stoat.  The Moa is extinct and the Kiwi bird is close to it.  There are almost 4 times as many sheep in New Zealand as there are people and the forests here are filled with trees imported from California.  The Moa, if he ever returned, would not recognize his old home.

I think Kerstin, our Swedish friend, got it wrong.  There are lots of things here that want to kill us, they just don’t know how.

Kiwis practice an interesting version of forestry.   I think of it as invasive forestry.  Prior to the arrival of Maori New Zealand was covered in forest.  When the white man arrived about 400 years later there was more open space but still a lot of bush.  After the Second World War New Zealand had an excess of able-bodied, if somewhat traumatized, men.  What to do with them?  Get them to plant trees!   They imported Monterey Pines from California and sent these poor blokes off into the hinterland to plant them.  The pine loved New Zealand’s soil and constant temperatures and grew like mad.  The forest industry was born!  There are huge forests of these Monterey Pines everywhere all laid out in concentric lines crowding out the native plants and the native species that depend on them. 

Then they clear-cut them.

Another thing they imported to New Zealand was deer from Canada.  However, these deer are not wild - they are farmed. I cannot imagine the destruction those deer would have on the forests if they got loose.  It would be like releasing thousands of Canadians into a pub after the owner has left.

Auckland is a nice city.  I am not exactly sure what it is about Auckland that makes it feel nice – it looks pretty much like any other city.   It is more expensive than most.  Not as pricey as Australia – but certainly more expensive than home.  To ameliorate that, the Kiwi dollar is worth about 82 cents Canadian.  There is a laid-back atmosphere in Auckland – you don’t have Suits rushing around with their teeth clenched or car-drivers waving their fists as they curse the drivers in front of them who are doing the same.  People move at a more sedate pace (not as sedate as Bali!) with smiles on their faces and a sense of friendliness about them.

You cannot talk about New Zealand without mentioning volcanoes. Auckland is surrounded by 13 volcanic cones.  Tau Po is on the shores of Great Lake Tau Po that is actually a lake that has formed in the mouth of an extinct volcano.  Rotorua, which is built in the crater of a volcano, is still smoking. Napier is a town that was devastated by a major earthquake in 1932 and rebuilt and we all know about the earthquake that leveled Christchurch.  Yet they say New Zealand is one of the most stable countries in the world… New Zealand has it’s own “ring of fire” and not the type that you put the toilet paper into the freezer for. 

We did get into hot water in Rotorua

 After Auckland we took the bus to Rotorua.  Rotorua is known for two main things:  geothermal activity and Maoris.  Rotorua is situated in the mouth of a volcano and just beneath the city is a huge mass of hot rocks that heats up the water that runs over it.  Essentially it is sitting on a massive hot spring.  This gives the city a certain air.  It is like living in Nanaimo when the wind is blowing from Harmac.  Except, there is no pulp mill. They have a park where there are holes in the ground with steam billowing out.  One area of town is a huge mud hole with super-heated steam bubbling out and a geyser next door.  The nice thing about this hot spring is that people use it to heat their homes and their water.  It makes me nervous to think that beneath the supposedly solid ground I am walking on is a river of super-heated steam.  The fact that the ground could collapse under me and I could end up in really hot water is a little too much like being back at work.

We went to a presentation given by the local Maori tribe.  Granted, it was meant for tourists but it still gave us some information about the Maoris.  As far as indigenous people go the Maori are doing a whole lot better than the Australian Aborigines and the North American First Nations.  That is not to say that there are no conflicts but I think there is considerably less suppression and resentment.  The presentation showed us a typical Maori village, Maori weapons, Maori dances and fed us traditional Maori food such as lamb, chicken, scalloped potatoes and trifle.  OK, I think they may have modified the food slightly to fit with northern appetites. 

Telen and her friend giving a "Welcome" face..

They ended the show with a Haka.  I had to go have a little lay-down after that. 

The Haka is a Maori war dance.  Personally, if I was going to war against some Maoris, and they did a Haka at me  - I would quickly become very keen on negotiation.  When the men make the scary faces with the bulging eyes and the tongue sticking out it is frightening but when the women do it – it is bowel loosening.

After Rotorua we went to Tau Po, which is on the shores of Lake Tau Po.  Lake Tau Po is actually a volcanic crater filled with water.  It reminds me a great deal of the Okanogan minus the mountains plus a volcano.   So far most of New Zealand reminds me of the Okanogan – rolling hills, warm weather, fertile land and sheep.  Except the Okanogan does not have sheep.  Everywhere you look in New Zealand there are sheep.  It’s like New Zealand has a flaky skin disorder.

After Tau Po we arrived in Napier.  Napier has three claims to fame: the Art Deco buildings, the consistent mild climate and the wineries.  The Art Deco buildings were built after the earthquake of 1932 when they reconstructed the city.  A lot of the area of Napier that were under water in 1932 suddenly became above water after the earthquake.  The land lifted up almost three meters.  Islands became hills and sea bottom became neighbourhoods.  They rebuilt in fashion of the times – which means Art Deco. 

On the Art-Deco streets of  Napier

The consistent mild climate and the volcanic soil make the area ideal for growing grapes.  Grapes means wine.  So we went on a wine tour.  Odd choice for two people who don’t drink.  It was interesting to taste the different wines but after a few wineries they all start to blend together and we could not remember which was which.  Ok, you wine snobs are probably sneering at this affront to the divine art of wine tasting but I don’t care.  I never claimed to be cultured and I cannot tell all the different smells in a glass of wine – they all smell like rotten grapes to me. I know, I know – not only do I look like a Neanderthal but I act like one too.  You are not saying anything that has not been said to me before.

Wine Tasting in Napier

After six hours on the bus we arrived in Wellington.  Wellington is the capital of New Zealand and looks a bit like the love child of San Francisco and Victoria.  It too seems to be built on new land that was conveniently thrown up by an earthquake in the late 1800s. It is built on lots of hills and looks very clean and shiny.  In spite of the hills we have seen many cyclists and runners here.  It does my heart good (metaphorically) to see all these people out exercising.  Kiwis generally seem to be in good shape.  Their lifestyle seems to help that.  They work at their own pace and don’t seem to be as stressed as us Canadians.  We noticed that at lunchtime people were out for a jog or a bike ride.  Nice to have that amount of time available mid-day.  Personally I think it is a great idea.

Above the streets of Wellington

So, we have arrived at the south end of the North Island and tomorrow we arrive at the north end of the South Island. 

And they call this Middle Earth?

Arriving at the North End of the South Island

Telen Writes:

We have been in the North Island of New Zealand for almost 2 weeks now.  I have learnt to distinguish different kinds of “Kiwis”.  A kiwi can be referred to a person born and bred in New Zealand, or, a hairy roundish nocturnal flightless bird with a long narrow beak native to New Zealand or the brown hairy fruit with the green interior.

The kiwis that we have met are generally friendly, low key and with a quirky sense of humor.  We have been travelling by coaches and buses.  We really enjoy “people watching” along with the beautiful scenery along the way.  The landscape in North Island resembles the Okanagan/Kamloops with rolling hills.  The difference is the evidence of volcanic activities from long ago, the hot springs and the boiling mud.

Everywhere we have been is tidy and clean.  When we arrived yesterday in Nelson in the South Island, our bus shuttle driver, Brian, gave us an impromptu tour of the area enroute to our motel.  Nelson is a town of 45,000 with a touch of Salt Springs Island.  It seems to attract artists and craftsmen along with outdoors enthusiasts.  He said apologetically that graffiti vandalism is a bit of a problem here as he pointed to a door of a wooden house.  Someone had painted a heart shaped graffiti on the door.  That was their big crime!

People’s lives here seem stable, tranquil.  May be that is why there are bungee jumping, parasailing, paragliding, sky diving, zip lining and jet skiing offered everywhere we go.  The kiwis seem to like the adrenalin rush from engaging in the act of jumping from great heights or flying through air at high speed.  Lives can become boring otherwise.  My take home message: do something outside of one’s comfort zone once in a while and enjoy the experience.